Not So Friendly Friends

It's become increasingly more difficult to be friendly to people lately.

And by that I mean, I am growing very sick and tired of the one-sided friendships I seemed to have created.

One-sided meaning, I am doing all of the f#$*ing work.

It's not the first time I've felt this way. I once messaged my two "best friends," and told them both, quite bluntly, that I am tired of always being the one to call them and make plans. If they want to be my friend, then they should make some effort too. Why should it always be me?

I may bitch; I may be pretty bold-faced; I may have a strong personality. But I am a damn good friend. Anyone would be lucky to be close to me.

Unfortunately, I am beginning to realize as of late, that I am struggling to name any "best friends." My closest friend in the world lives in Toronto. My sexy single, international friend is, obviously, across international waters at the moment.

I've always prided myself on being an excellent friend. Call me at two in the morning and I'll listen. Let me get the check for dinner - you can pay next time! Let's go shopping for three hours to find the perfect jeans for you! I'm often the one who makes the plans, orchestrates the night out, invites everyone over for drinks, makes food for everyone to eat. Most of that is because I'm quite anal, and like everything my way, on my turf.

But why do I always have to be the one making the calls?

In this past week, I've called my "best friend," about three times, and she still hasn't called me back. I called my other friend, and when I told her I couldn't come over on Friday (the first time she's invited me out in probably months), I was the one making new plans for next week.

Am I crazy? Am I secretly, actually a really bad friend and person, who doesn't deserve to forge relationships of any kind with people?

Or are my friends just lazy?