Wednesday, October 28, 2009


You're not worth it babe;
The trouble you bring, the noise you keep,
And you don't even care.
I'm so sick of you babe,
Nights wasted, I'm through faking.
You don't turn me on,
You don't do anything at all.

Baby, I can't stand the sight of your face.
Baby, I don't even want to hear your name.

Don't know what I saw, but I ain't seeing it now,
Woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth.
Guess I fell too fast, guess I learned my lesson,
So much for true love, I'll take the chivas instead.

You're too high maintenance babe,
All the time you spent trying to fit in,
And no one even cares.
It's so ridiculous babe,
Watching you turn as I burn.
It's like you're not even there.

Baby, don't you try and hold my hand.
Maybe you should keep your eyes on your new girlfriend.

Don't know what I saw, but I ain't seeing it now,
Woke up this morning, bitterness in my mouth.
Guess I fell too fast, guess I learned my lesson,
So much for true love, I'll take the chivas* instead

I'll take the chivas* instead,
Over your bed.
It wasn't even good,
Trust me.
I must have been so, so, so, so lonely.

You are crap,
You should keep your eyes on your new little brat.
It's hard not to look I know,
I'm amazing.
I love you chivas*.

* Replace all instances of "chivas" with "tequila," and this song is golden.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


if i wanted to believe,
if i wanted to be,
something more than the only
one you have,
one that you see...

i could've spent some more time,
i could've given my mind,
i know i arrived
to the point,
but incomplete,
and that is more
than i've ever known.

it's not going to be time,
you never could be mine,
so i'm standing back.

Friday, October 23, 2009


The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight,
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time.
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts.
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out.

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing,
With a broken heart that's still beating.
In the pain, there is healing,
In your name I find meaning.
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on,
I'm barely holdin' on to you.

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head,
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead.
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes,
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life.

I'm hangin' on another day,
Just to see what you throw my way.
And I'm hanging on to the words you say,
You said that I will be okay.
The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone,
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

All About London

I never thought I'd say, but I actually miss London.

Yes. The city I thought I'd never miss, I am feeling deep pangs of longing for.

The city where the transit system is a joke, where the street names are confounding (Sunnyside Drive to Sunnyside Crescent to Sunnyside Court), the people have an air of importance, the university students run the downtown bars and there is a whole lotta NUTHIN' goin' on.

I miss it.

The things I miss about London, in no particular order:
- The fact that I can call a cab at 10:45 p.m., and take me downtown for about $15, in far less time than it would take me to even get to the subway station, let alone ride the subway somewhere.
- And if I wanted to, I could walk to the bar. (Although who the hell are we kidding, there's no way I would do that...)
- I can get poutine at 2 a.m., and then walk home from the bar eating it. Okay, I can get the food, then sit in a cab ride home eating it. Again, for $15! It would cost about $40-60 to take a cab home in Toronto, depending on what bar I'm going to.
- The lack of choice in bars. This both means I don't have to be choosey, and I'll probably see someone I know (for example, a certain namesake in the bathroom at T.J. Baxter's on a random Saturday night).
- Parking. How I miss the days of driving places in less than 15 minutes, and not having to promise my first-born child so I can park my damn car for ten minutes. Now the allure of a place is whether or not it has free parking ("That mall has free parking?! Well, what stores does it have? A Giant Tiger? Well, at least I can park for free!").
- The summer. All of the free festivals (which equals lemonade and food), as well as the UWO students departing, and being able to get into any bar, at any time. The city may be dead, but we have a kick-ass time drinking all the drinks those students would be drinking.
- And for that matter, Western. I can walk to class in under five minutes, instead of having to take some mass transit system, or run. And the campus really is beautiful, instead of some drab space crammed into a downtown block, where I can meet my classmates, as well as some hobos I'm sure.
- "Fashionable" Western girls. I don't know which is worse; the Ugg boots and TNA bags of the Western fashion elite, or the fake geek glasses and randomly coloured hair that is favoured by Toronto girls. Either way, it made for an amusing past-time on campus.
- Traffic. Well, the abscence of it. Honestly, why is there a traffic jam on the Don Valley parkway at 9:30 p.m. on a Thursday night? I just want a schwarma, dammit!
- SCHWARMAS! Everywhere. Two in White Oaks, a bunch downtown, and I can park for free and get my fix. Honestly, I would do anything for a good schwarma.
- Crowds on the subway. Move out of the damn way!
- The JLC. Okay, the ACC definitely gets better concerts (Justin, Britney, Madonna, Christina, Pink, to name a few), but it sure was nice to get the hell out of the concert at a decent hour (see Traffic). Oh, and not pay a ton for parking (see Parking). Everything just comes full circle, here...

The things I like about Toronto, and where London is sadly lacking:
- The subway (no, not the restaurant, but who doesn't love their meatball subs?!). I can take it anytime during the day, and wait only a few minutes for it arrive (you hear that 13 Wellington?! A few minutes, not every half-hour.), and then go all over the city. And on that note...
- The transit system in general. Again, you can get almost anywhere in the city. Sure, I'm not going to ride it for 90 minutes to get to airport, but it's the idea that I CAN which makes it so appealing.
- The lack of choice in bars. Seriously, if there's a line at my favourite bar, Thorny Devil, I'd probably go to Robinson Hall, and tempt the bouncers upstairs to let me in somehow. But other than that, I don't "do" waiting in line at bars. If there's a line, I'm probably out, and not likely going to hoof it somewhere else. And with all the Western students, good luck getting into anywhere good after 11:30 p.m. on a Friday/Saturday night.
- Creepy London boys. At least, compared to moderately well-dressed Toronto boys who usually don't greet me by staring at my breasts. And these are the guys at the bar who leer and attempt to dance with you when you aren't paying attention. Yes, they exist everywhere, but these boys are often small-towners, who just want to get married and procreate. No thanks.
- Vintage shops. So many, so little time.
- Not working in a job where my job description accounts for the fact that I will likely be yelled at, by people too incompetant to realize their electronic item won't turn on because they haven't hit the "power" button.
- Getting to wear jeans at work. Wearing jeans just about everywhere. Maybe I can finally use the 25+ pairs I own.
- The abscence of "Fashionable" Western girls. Instead I get mature students at Ryerson who wear penny loafers and sweater sets. And I'm in jeans (see above).

I'm not sure if I'm missed anything.

Either way, I do miss London, and most of all, miss all of the awesome people who live there. As I've said to some of you, "I live in Toronto, but I party in London!" While that may be true right now, I know I'll eventually stop coming back every weekend, and begin fully appreciating Toronto. And then who knows? I'll probably move somewhere else, and miss Toronto!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Telephone

Greetings, folks. I'm here today to introduce you to a strange and new phenomenon that is sweeping the nation.

It's called the telephone.

Now, this may not be a new concept to many of you. But to some, this strange, new object is extremely foreign, or so it would seem. Therefore, I will now explain:

Do's and Don'ts of Telephone Etiquette:
aka Don't Do What Johnny Don't Does
or How to NOT Be a Moron On the Phone

- Whilst answering the telegrammophone, the following is proper procedure:

*ring ring*
You: Hello?
Them: Hello...

Other telephone greetings may include, but are not limited to;
"Simpson residence, Max Powers speaking."
"Greetings friend."
The Mr. Burns-approved favourite, "Ahoy-hoy."
"Good morning/afternoon."

And my personal favourite,
"Hey bitch."
(Of course, this greeting is only to be used in conjunction with the novel feature of Caller ID, whereupon I am completely aware as to whom is calling me, and can therefore greet them as such. This is not to be used with one's mother, grandmother, or family of the like, unless that is the sort of relationship you have with them. In which case, congratulations.)

- Once you have answered the phone, and completed your greeting, your caller is free to converse at will. If you are said caller, it should be known that cutting off the answerer of the telephone is impolite. The only reasons for you to do so, are as follows;

You are female and you are in labour, in which case, time may be of the essence.

You are in distress of some kind (your foot is caught in a bear-trap, or your beer goggles have worn off, and you need to get the hell out of wherever the hell you are), in which case time may also be of the essence.

The following are innappropriate responses when the phone is answered:

- Silence. Surely you have a reason for actively seeking a phone, picking up the receiver, dialing a number and waiting for someone to answer, and I'm sure it was not to say nothing. So speak. That is why you have a voice. Unless you gave it away to find some Prince you're apparently "in love" with, but let Hans Christian Anderson deal with that one.

- Responding, "Hellooo??" in confusion. I spoke, now it's your turn. Say something intelligent, or I will hang up.

- Hanging up. Now this is simply rude, especially when you call right back to do the same thing.

- Interrupting the person's greeting. It's called taking turns; maybe you didn't learn it in elementary school, but a few episodes of Sesame Street should refresh your memory.

- There are two kinds of traps that can be created when you are speaking on the telephone with a person.

1. Tanya Talks Too Much: This person likely lives alone, with at least one requisite cat, and will keep you speaking with her as long as she can. Well, as long as she can. Despite numerous attempts to convey that you have other, more pressing issues to attend to, she will just keep talking, much like an Energizer Bunny, who keeps going and going...

2. Debbie Don't Interrupt: This chatterbox is even worse than the former, because she won't even let you get in a word. The second you answer the phone, she's running off on a tangent about her kids, her grandkids, their pets, what school they go to, her favourite place to shop, her favourite place to walk, the gossip from the home, which foods she can and cannot eat, what's wrong with the "yout's" of today, a funny story that happened on her way to pick up groceries, why the kid at the grocery store gave her the stink-eye, and didn't he know that he should respect his elders, and why don't you call me more often, don't you know I'm almost80andIwon'tbearoundmuchlonger (thank GOD). Don't even try to interrupt this type of caller; just mumble some sort of responses, and slowly place the receiver back on the hook, and continue about your business.

Good To You

Thought I saw a sign, somewhere between the lines.
Maybe it's me, maybe I only see, what I want.
But I still have your letter, to stock up between,
Someone I just invented, and who I really am and who I've become.

And I do want you know I hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me
And I'd be so good to you.
You bring me higher.
Yeah, I would.


Take our pictures off the walls tonight;
I don't wanna see you no more.
I don't wanna feel you no more.
Take our memories, throw them all aside;

I hope you finally get what you want,
Now you know...

I didn't wanna live without you,
I didn't wanna love without you,
I used to think I'd die without you,
Now it's killing me,
That we can be undone.

You're talking now and I'm hearin',
Everything that you say,
And I'm holding on, is a real phrase,
And it's dragging me along to my grave,
It's dragging me to my grave.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Me & My Girl

Me and my girl, we're like the modern day Bonnie and Clyde.